它活过来了！
It's alive!
其他响尾蛇知道我们是亲戚
Do you have any idea how embarrassing it isss
你知道有多丢脸吗？
that other rattlesnakes know that I'm related to you?
哇，伙计！你的降落伞呢？！
Whoa, buddy! Where's your parachute?!
我和朋友打赌50块钱，说企鹅如果足够有动力就能飞
I bet my friends 50 bucks that penguins could fly
所以现在就让我来试试！
if they were motivated enough, so here goes!
这根本就没有道理，
That literally makes no sense,
你应该戴上降落伞，因为你错了。
and you should wear a parachute because you're wrong.
难道你没看过"黑暗骑士崛起"吗？
Didn't you see "Dark Knight Rises"?
你只有在摆脱了训练轮
You're only motivated to achieve the impossible
才会有动力去实现不可能的事，伙计。
once you take off the training wheels, man.
耶！- 噢，又来了！
Whee! - Aw, not again!
哦，我很紧张要见你的家人，米奇。
Oh, I'm nervous about meeting your family, Mitch.
毕竟，我是个柜子补丁娃娃，
After all, I'm a Cabbage Patch Kid,
而你的家人是垃圾桶孩子。
and your family is Garbage Pail Kids.
没什么好担心的，巴贝特·乔斯琳。
There's nothing to worry about, Babette Jocelyn.
我爱你，所以他们也会爱你的。
I love you, so they will, too.
哦，我的宝贝儿子！
Oh, my baby boy!
这就是巴贝特·乔斯琳了！
And this must be Babette Jocelyn!
过来，你这个！
Come here, you!
我是米奇的妈妈，血腥玛丽。
I'm Mitch's mom, Bloody Mary.
来见见其他家人吧！
Come meet the rest of the family!
这是我老公，哈里·痔疮。
This is my hubby, Harry Hemorrhoid.
- 嗨，米奇。- 痤疮艾米！
- Hi, Mitch. - Acne Amy!
哇！你长这么高了！过来给我一个拥抱。
Wow! You got so tall! Bring it in here.
洗手间？天哪。
Bathroom? Oh, God.
好吧。
Okay.
巴贝特，你可以做到的。
Babette, you can do this.
深呼吸就好。
Just breathe.
让开！给我让开！
Outta the way! Get outta the way!
呃！哇！那个太成熟了！
Ugh! Whoa! That one's ripe!
嘿！你一定就是巴贝特了！
Hey! You must be Babette!
- 我是迪-- 丽塔。很高兴…
- I'm Dia- - Rita. Nice to...
呃。见到你。
Ugh. Meet you.
你在这儿！快来。
There you are! Come on.
其他家人都在等着见你呢。
The rest of the family's waiting to meet you.
太棒了！
That went great!
我的家人都喜欢你！我真高兴。
My family loves you! I'm so glad.
哦，巴贝特，你一定要来参加我们的感恩节-
Oh, Babette, you simply must come back for Thanksgiv--
不好意思。你纹身了吗？
I'm sorry. Are you inked?
什么？这只是我的泽维尔·罗伯茨纹身。
What? That's just my Xavier Roberts tattoo.
这个贱人在自己身上纹了
This trollop has tattooed herself
另一个男人的名字！
with another man's name!
他是我的创造者！
He's my creator!
你是在参加他妈的邪教吗？！
Are you in a fucking cult?!
马上滚出我的房子！
Get out of my house at once!
- 米奇！- 对不起，宝贝。
- Mitch! - Sorry, baby.
我的家人觉得纹身很恶心，
My family think tattoos are disgusting,
我也是，所以你最好走吧。
and I do, too, so y-you better go.
我为你被骂了！
I got pussed on for you!
看来我应该早点
Well, looks like I should've got into her pants
上了她的床，对吧，家人们？
earlier, right, fam?
该死的牛皮癣。
Fuckin' psoriasis.
让我看看。
Let's see.
灰姑娘，你来这里是为了…
Cinderella, you're here for...
你试图穿玻璃鞋。
You tried to wear glass shoes.
亲爱的，男人才不在乎女人的鞋子呢。
Honey, men don't give a shit about women's footwear.
下次，穿一双Air Jordans吧。
Next time, Wear, like, a pair of Air Jordans.
那样就能引起他的注意，又不会伤害自己。
That'll get his attention without the personal harm.
- 那些鞋子还挺酷的。- 我知道吧？
- Those are actually pretty sick. - I know, right?
好吧。让我们把那双脚割掉。
Okay. Let's cut those feet off.
好了。你知道我为什么把你拦下来吗？
All right. Do you know why I pulled you over?
- 不，我不知道。- 操！
- No, I do not. - Fuck!
嘿。- 看看这个小小的屁股。
Hey. - Look at this Itsy Bitsy ass.
嘿！你要去哪里，小小的？！
Hey! Where ya goin', Itsy Bitsy?!
- 去你妈的！- 吃屎！
- Fuck you! - Eat shit!
- 去你妈的！你才吃屎！- 你吃屎！
- Fuck you! You eat shit! - You eat shit!
我要爬上这个花园喷泉，你这个该死的混蛋！
I'm-a climb up this garden spout, you fucking asshole!
- 别这样！- 别这样，混蛋！
- Better not! - Better not, asshole!
- 要下雨了！- 去你妈的！
- It's gonna rain! - Fuck you!
去你妈的！是的，去你妈的！
Fuck you! Yeah, fuck you!
我想干什么就干什么！
I do what I fucking want!
怎么样，混蛋？
How about that, motherfucker?
你让那个混蛋知道了。
Ya told that fuck.
- 你让他知道了。- 那个混蛋。
- You told him. - That fuck.
哦，看！那个狗屎混蛋回来了。
Oh, look! Shit fuck is back.
- 告诉你了，你这个混蛋！- 吃屎！
- Told ya, you fuck! - Eat shit!
- 你吃屎！- 吃屎，你这个混蛋！
- You eat shit! - Eat shit, you fuck!
你他妈现在在干什么？
The fuck you doin' now?
我要爬上这个花园喷泉去操你妈妈！
I'm-a climb up this garden spout and fuck yo' mama!
我他妈要杀了你，你这个混蛋！
Fuckin' kill you, you fuck!
这是监狱规则，你这个混蛋！
These is prison rules, motherfucker!
小小的婊子！
Itsy Bitsy bitch!
哦，不，亲爱的阿格纳尔，我们死了！
Oh, no, dear Agnarr, we're dead!
哦，我为我们的孩子安娜和艾莎
Oh, it pains me that our children,
没有我们长大而感到痛苦。
Anna and Elsa, must grow up without us.
哦，他们会没事的。失去父母有助于培养性格。
Oh, they'll be fine. Dead parents build character.
是啊，我们的小塔尔扎在被豹子杀害后
Yeah, our little Tarzan was raised by gorillas after
被猩猩抚养长大，结果也很不错。
we were murdered by a leopard, and he turned out great.
啊。新的死去的父母。
Ah. New dead parents.
你们正好赶上今晚在天堂的狂欢派对！
You are just in time for tonight's Heaven rave!
哦！什么是狂欢派对？
Ooh! What's a rave?
哦，这比阿伦戴尔的任何舞会都好。
Oh, this is better - than any ball in Arendelle.
我感到如此自由！
I feel so free!
哦！哦！放手去吧，宝贝！
Ow! Ow! Let it go, baby!
来了，垃圾车。
Here comes the dump truck.
我说这些精灵尘与我们家乡的雪
I say this pixie dust is quite different
确实有些不同。
than the snow - we're used to back home.
珊瑚:嘿！我也能来点吗？
Coral: Hey! Can I get some down here?
我可不是被鲨鱼吃掉白白浪费的！
I didn't get eaten by a barracuda for nothing!
哇哦！
Whoo-oo!
谁想喝肛门注入的多乐果汁？！
Who wants to butt-chug some Dole Whip?!
哇！
Whoo!
我希望他们现在在一个更好的地方。
I hope they're in a better place.
我也是，安娜。我也是。
Me too, Anna. Me too.
伊迪娜:我刚刚做了我的第一次肛门注入！
Iduna: I just did my first butt chug!
阿格纳尔:当死去的父母真是太棒了！
Agnarr: Being a dead parent rules!
芭比，我必须走了。我再也受不了了。
Barbie, I must go. I can't do this anymore.
为什么，肯？为什么？！
Why, Ken? Why?!
我是蝴蝶王子肯。我必须回到我的人民那里去。
I'm Butterfly Prince Ken. I must go be with my people.
扑扇，扑扇，扑扇，扑扇，扑扇，扑扇，扑扇…
Flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap...
听着，贝尔，我不赞同与动物性交，
Look, Bell, - I don't condone bestiality,
但事实是，如果你和狗狗发生性关系，
but the fact of the matter is if you fuck a dog,
你就会得阴道酵母感染。
you're going to get a yeast infection.
欢迎，观众们！我是德克斯特，天才男孩！
Welcome, viewers! I am Dexter, boy genius!
今天我向你们展示一个非凡的发明！
Today I present to you an extraordinary invention!
这就是妈妈机器人，一种革命性的新机器人，
This is the Mom Droid, a revolutionary new robot
可以做任何妈妈能做的事情。
who does anything a mom can do.
现在让我们打电话。嗨，吉尔，你在线。
Now let's go to the phones. Hello, Gil. You're on the air.
吉尔:呃，是的。你好。
Gil: Uh, yes. Hello.
第一次打电话，但一直在听。
First-time caller, longtime listener.
她是完全功能性的吗？
Is she fully functional?
是的，当然。她可以做饭和打扫。
Yes. Of course. She can cook and clean.
妈妈机器人，做一个芝士蛋饼。
Mom Droid, make an omelette du fromage.
好的，很酷。呃，但是她每次能做多少次冲刺？
Okay. Cool. Um, but how many, uh, thrusts will you get?
冲刺？
Thrusts?
她的振动强度有多大？
How intensely does she vibrate?
如果她在振动，那就说明出了问题。
If she is vibrating, something is wrong.
那意味着她坏掉了，你这个白痴。
That means she is broken, you idiot.
好的。但事后清理是不是很容易？
Okay. But is it easy to clean up, you know, afterwards?
妈妈机器人，清理厨房。
Mom Droid, clean the kitchen.
太棒了。我一定要买一个。
Awesome. I'll take one for sure.
太好了！让我们接下一个来电。好的。
Excellent! Let's take another caller. Okay.
施洛莫，你在线。
Schlomo, you're on the air.
呃，她看起来很真实。呃，她摸起来真的吗？
Uh, she looks very real. Um, does she feel real?
她的感觉就像你妈妈。
She feels like your mother.
好的，很酷。孔有多大？我的很大。
Okay. Cool. How big are the holes? I'm very large.
她可以用激光眼烧穿任何东西。
She can burn holes into anything with her laser eyes.
妈妈机器人，把那堆垃圾炸掉！
Mom Droid, blast that trash!
呃，我想我会买一个。
Um, I'll buy one, I guess.
难道还有人不想要妈妈机器人吗？
And who does not want the Mom Droid?
你好，拉尔布。你在线。
Hello, Larb. You're on the air.
呃，我有个问题关于阴道套。
Uh, I got a question about the pussy sleeve.
它是多孔的吗？我-我很抱歉。我们必须停下来。
Is it porous? I-I'm sorry. We gotta shut this down.
什么？！我们赚了很多钱啊！
What?! We're making beaucoup bucks!
是的，孩子，我们没有执照
Yeah, kid, we're not licensed to sell adult toys
在下午4点销售成人玩具。
at 4:00 in the afternoon!
她不是玩具！我设计她是为了让她看起来像我真正的母亲。
She's not a toy! I designed her to look like my real mother.
来吧，妈妈，向大家打个招呼。
Come on out, Mom, and say hello.
呃，去看利萨·丽娜的防尘开衫吧！
Ugh. Go to the Lisa Rinna Duster Cardigans!
4月1日？！愚人节！
April 1st?! The Day of Fools!
我同情那些参与愚人节的傻瓜！
I pity the fool who participates in April Fools' Day!
这里有太多的傻瓜需要同情！
There are too many fools to pity on this day!
那么，这样怎么样？Mr。 T要开始他的一天了。
How about this? Mr. T gonna start his day.
哈哈！
Ha ha!
嗯，该看看Mr。 T的电子邮件了。
Hm. Time to check Mr. T's e-mail.
啊，看这个。我的朋友加里刚刚给我发了
Ah. Look at this here. My friend Gary just e-mailed me
一个新的儿童慈善机构的链接。
a link to a new children's charity.
哦！这是一个傻瓜巨大的阳具！
Oh! It's a fool's giant ding-a-ling!
我讨厌这一天！
I hate this day!
现在我也成了一个需要被同情的傻瓜。
I'm now a fool I pity.
我同情我自己 - Mr。 T！
I pity me -- Mr. T!
播音员:经营一个小猫夏令营
Announcer: Running a summer camp for kittens
似乎是一个完美的商业计划。
seemed like the perfect business venture.
哦，它们太可爱了！
Oh, they're so cute!
最好的是，杰森·沃尔希斯
And the best part is Jason Voorhees
今年应该不会打扰我们，
should leave us alone this year
因为他没有经历过与小猫有关的
since he didn't suffer any childhood psychological trauma
童年心理创伤。至少我们是这么认为的。
related to kittens. That we know of.
但他们却不知道…
But little did they know...
女性：青少年都很肮脏，杰森！
Woman: Teenagers are filthy, Jason!
油腻的荷尔蒙 - 到处乱喷！
Greasy hormones - spewing all over the place!
他们必须受到惩罚！
They must be punished!
好的。这个青少年真是个他妈的傻瓜。下一个窗口。
Okay. This teenager's a fucking dork. Next window.
啊！婊子们！小猫婊子们！
Aah! Sluts! Kitten sluts!
播音员：不知不觉中，
Announcer: Somewhere along the way,
这些电影已经不再令人震惊了，
these movies stopped being shocking,
但我们很确定这里有什么东西。
but we're pretty sure we're onto something here.
哈哈！欢迎来到我的房子。
Ha ha! Welcome to my house.
为什么到处都是生病的孩子？
Why is it full of sick kids?
哦，那不是你的爱好？什么-什么-什么是你的爱好？
Oh, that's not your thing? What -- What -- What's your thing?
性感的小丑。嗯！
Sexy clowns. Mm!
好吧，那-那很合适。
Alright. Well, that -- that checks out.
好吧，帮我-把他们推到院子里去。
Well, h-help me - wheel them out onto the lawn.
喷水系统还有20分钟才会启动。
The sprinklers don't kick on for another 20 minutes.
你为什么闻起来像妈妈那件酸洗牛仔夹克
Why do you smell like Mommy's acid-washed jean jacket
她从摩隆戈赌场、度假村和水疗中心回来时的味道？
when she comes home from the Morongo Casino, Resort & Spa?
好时光！
Good times!
闭嘴然后回去睡觉！
Shut the fuck up and go back to sleep!
我要-是的。这很恐怖。再见。
I'm gonna -- Yeah. This is creepy. Bye.
你要去哪里？！来吧。你要去哪里-呃。
W-Where are you going?! Come on. Where you go-- Ugh.
好的。你的病历上说，你为了勾搭一个
Okay. Your chart says you sold your soul to hook up with
在船难中遇到的男人而出卖了灵魂，现在你说不了话。
a dude you met in a shipwreck, and now you can't talk.
现在的孩子为了上床什么都干得出来，是吧？
Kids will do anything to get to bone town these days, huh?
现在，说"啊"。说"啊"。
Now, say, "Ahh." Say, "Ahh."
你能做到吗？哦，对，对。
Can you do that? Oh, right. Right.
抱歉。- 这一天太漫长了。
Sorry. - It's been a very long day.
- 我看不到他！- 哈！我就知道他不会这么做。
- I don't see him! - Ha! I knew he wouldn't do it.
把你们所有的钱都给我，企鹅们！
Give me all your money, penguins!
哦，不！
Oh, no!
企鹅：我不能飞！砰的一声！
Penguin: I can't fly! Splat!
哇！他救了我们！
Wow! He saved us!
就像蝙蝠侠一样！
Just like Batman!
那么，呃，我们要从他的遗产里扣除50块钱吗？
So, uh, what? We ding his estate for the 50 bucks?
是的。让我们去面对他的寡妇。
Yeah. Let's go confront his widow.